Welcome to the Borderlands
- Chapter 30 -
Kendall's Plan Goes Kaput Because of Some Red Onions
“I see the angel in the marble and carve until I set him free…Every block of stone has a statue inside it and it is the task of the sculptor to discover it.” -Michelangelo
“I get some ideas of kind of what I want to do then whatever it takes to see it through; that’s the way I do it. I treat it like sculpture. I like to see the frame up there and then let it flow; let it happen, whatever comes natural. When you hear the bike breathe its first breath that’s probably the biggest reward…every bike is like a child or work of art, like a creation that goes from dream to reality.” -Kendall Johnson of KENDALL JOHNSON CUSTOMS from an episode of Discovery Channel’s television series THE GREAT BIKER BUILD-OFF
“I get some ideas of kind of what I want to do then whatever it takes to see it through; that’s the way I do it. I treat it like sculpture. I like to see the frame up there and then let it flow; let it happen, whatever comes natural. When you hear the bike breathe its first breath that’s probably the biggest reward…every bike is like a child or work of art, like a creation that goes from dream to reality.” -Kendall Johnson of KENDALL JOHNSON CUSTOMS from an episode of Discovery Channel’s television series THE GREAT BIKER BUILD-OFF
The sign saying ‘I’d turn back if I were you’ warning travelers not to enter the wastelands was still where the Borderlands ended…nothing had changed. The rough grassland turning to scrub was the same; the scrub turning into wasteland was the same. What was not the same and what I was sure we’d find within the first five miles was the wrecked Lincoln town car and the two bodies. I’d seen it explode; I’d seen it twist in the air throwing toothless Emma and the driver that looked like a funky version of Buffalo Bob out of the car like rag dolls. Larry must have been wondering the same thing and had asked Kendall to stop.
“This is where it happened,” Larry was looking for any sign of the wreck. “This is where Hilts shot the tires out of the town car before Emma could shoot us with her shotgun.”
Kendall had gotten out of the rat rod and had walked over to the center of the road, “You can see where their car’s frame dug into the road and where it landed and burned.”
“You can also see where something with a double set of dual rear tires stopped,” I’d parked the 8-Ball about twenty feet ahead of where Kendall and Larry were standing, “and hooked up to what was left of the town car. From the spacing and size of the tires it was a four wheel drive truck…maybe a water tanker…and they lead back to Placebo.”
“All in favor of ‘not’ finding out if Emma and the driver are still alive,” I said as I raised my left hand and climbed back aboard the 8-Ball, “or why the wrecked car was taken back to Placebo…raise your left hand.”
Larry and Kendall raised their left hands.
Kendall had now taken the lead and was pushing his rat rod up to near ninety mph. I’d chosen to fall in behind keeping the 8-Ball’s front tire just off his left rear bumper. In less than an hour we found ourselves entering Placebo’s main street. Charon’s car was where we’d left it.
“We’re ok, it’s near noon and the sun’s out,” said Kendall as he exited his car with a bag of tools. “But still keep a good watch while Larry and I get Charon’s car running.”
“This is where it happened,” Larry was looking for any sign of the wreck. “This is where Hilts shot the tires out of the town car before Emma could shoot us with her shotgun.”
Kendall had gotten out of the rat rod and had walked over to the center of the road, “You can see where their car’s frame dug into the road and where it landed and burned.”
“You can also see where something with a double set of dual rear tires stopped,” I’d parked the 8-Ball about twenty feet ahead of where Kendall and Larry were standing, “and hooked up to what was left of the town car. From the spacing and size of the tires it was a four wheel drive truck…maybe a water tanker…and they lead back to Placebo.”
“All in favor of ‘not’ finding out if Emma and the driver are still alive,” I said as I raised my left hand and climbed back aboard the 8-Ball, “or why the wrecked car was taken back to Placebo…raise your left hand.”
Larry and Kendall raised their left hands.
Kendall had now taken the lead and was pushing his rat rod up to near ninety mph. I’d chosen to fall in behind keeping the 8-Ball’s front tire just off his left rear bumper. In less than an hour we found ourselves entering Placebo’s main street. Charon’s car was where we’d left it.
“We’re ok, it’s near noon and the sun’s out,” said Kendall as he exited his car with a bag of tools. “But still keep a good watch while Larry and I get Charon’s car running.”
Kendall shouted back, “They dumped dirt into the fuel system and we had to clean it before reassembling it. We’ll be good to go in a few minutes. While we’re buttoning everything back together put some gas in my rat rod and Charon’s Ford with fuel from the cans of gas we brought. Be sure to top-off your bike.”
I did keep watch. I kept watch knowing we were being watched. With my Glock 20 at my side and using no fixed pattern I kept my head swiveling right to left, front to behind. I could only hope Medea had a coffee recipe for strained neck muscles. On rare occasions I would catch glimpses of movement deep within the buildings. Once when the movement became a crowd in one room in one particular building and looked to be threatening I fired twice through the building’s wall…I warned Kendall and Larry before firing. There followed some thumping and thrashing and then no more movement. 10mms are good for shooting through walls. Two hours into the repair of Charon’s car I yelled over to where Kendall and Larry were working.
“What’s taking so long?”
Kendall shouted back, “They dumped dirt into the fuel system and we had to clean it before reassembling it. We’ll be good to go in a few minutes. While we’re buttoning everything back together put some gas in my rat rod and Charon’s Ford with fuel from the cans of gas we brought. Be sure to top-off your bike.”
Minutes after I’d put fuel in the two cars and topped-off the Vegas 8-Ball I heard the 40 Ford’s engine roar to life.
“I believe,” said Kendall as he closed the Ford’s hood, “that there’s no greater feeling than when you hear a bike you’re building breathe its first breath…that’s probably the biggest reward. I felt the same way when Charon’s car started back up…when it breathed its first breath.”
Well it was breathing now and with enough noise to wake the dead (be careful what you wish for). Its engine roar also covered Hilts’ approach on the Raider and his walk to where we were all gathered around the Ford.
“I see you got it running (so much for my skills as a lookout) and it sounds great,” said Hilts from behind us.
Hilts continued after watching all three of us jump out of our skin in surprise, “Kate said I should help…just in case…she was worried about the three of you here alone.”
“What’s taking so long?”
Kendall shouted back, “They dumped dirt into the fuel system and we had to clean it before reassembling it. We’ll be good to go in a few minutes. While we’re buttoning everything back together put some gas in my rat rod and Charon’s Ford with fuel from the cans of gas we brought. Be sure to top-off your bike.”
Minutes after I’d put fuel in the two cars and topped-off the Vegas 8-Ball I heard the 40 Ford’s engine roar to life.
“I believe,” said Kendall as he closed the Ford’s hood, “that there’s no greater feeling than when you hear a bike you’re building breathe its first breath…that’s probably the biggest reward. I felt the same way when Charon’s car started back up…when it breathed its first breath.”
Well it was breathing now and with enough noise to wake the dead (be careful what you wish for). Its engine roar also covered Hilts’ approach on the Raider and his walk to where we were all gathered around the Ford.
“I see you got it running (so much for my skills as a lookout) and it sounds great,” said Hilts from behind us.
Hilts continued after watching all three of us jump out of our skin in surprise, “Kate said I should help…just in case…she was worried about the three of you here alone.”
“I believe,” said Kendall as he closed the Ford’s hood, “that there’s no greater feeling than when you hear a bike you’re building breathe its first breath…that’s probably the biggest reward. I felt the same way when Charon’s car started back up…when it breathed its first breath.”
“Looks like my plan for sneaking in under the radar was kaput from the start,” said Kendall pointing at the building I’d shot into.
Without being asked, I walked over to the Raider and began topping-off its gas tank. When done there was maybe a gallon left in the can of gas I’d used filling the rat rod, the Ford and the bikes. The other two cans were virtually empty.
“We’ll be looking,” said Larry following up on what Kendall had said, “over our shoulders from now on if we don’t burn this place to the ground while we have the chance.”
“I’ve been coming out here for two years;” said Kendall following up on Larry’s follow-up, “and as long as I kept a low profile it worked for me. But the nest has been shaken; the Queen awakened…Larry’s right…it’s gotta be done.”
Larry grabbed one of the empty cans of gas, well almost empty, and threw it onto the porch of the building behind us. He then took out his Glock 20 and carefully put one 10mm round through the part of the can closest to the wood. The slug tore a jagged hole through the metal causing about a half cup of leftover gas to drain onto the porch.
I grabbed the second empty, well almost empty, gas can and was in the process of throwing it onto the porch of the building to the left of us when Kendall took it from my hands.
“Let me,” said Kendall. “Let’s start the fire in the building furthest away. Once it’s burning the flames will reach the two beside it. Then the rest of the buildings in Placebo will in turn catch fire like falling dominos.”
“Be my guest,” I said as I watched Kendall hurl the gas can like a newspaper boy throwing a rolled-up newspaper onto the porch of the building furthest away.
Larry was undeterred by the extra distance and worked his magic as a marksman by firing a 10mm round through the bottom of the gas can.
“Hilts leave the Raider and take Charon’s car. You and Kendall drive back to the Borderlands,” I was feeling like Abe Lincoln. “Larry and I will stay and ignite the gas cans.”
Without being asked, I walked over to the Raider and began topping-off its gas tank. When done there was maybe a gallon left in the can of gas I’d used filling the rat rod, the Ford and the bikes. The other two cans were virtually empty.
“We’ll be looking,” said Larry following up on what Kendall had said, “over our shoulders from now on if we don’t burn this place to the ground while we have the chance.”
“I’ve been coming out here for two years;” said Kendall following up on Larry’s follow-up, “and as long as I kept a low profile it worked for me. But the nest has been shaken; the Queen awakened…Larry’s right…it’s gotta be done.”
Larry grabbed one of the empty cans of gas, well almost empty, and threw it onto the porch of the building behind us. He then took out his Glock 20 and carefully put one 10mm round through the part of the can closest to the wood. The slug tore a jagged hole through the metal causing about a half cup of leftover gas to drain onto the porch.
I grabbed the second empty, well almost empty, gas can and was in the process of throwing it onto the porch of the building to the left of us when Kendall took it from my hands.
“Let me,” said Kendall. “Let’s start the fire in the building furthest away. Once it’s burning the flames will reach the two beside it. Then the rest of the buildings in Placebo will in turn catch fire like falling dominos.”
“Be my guest,” I said as I watched Kendall hurl the gas can like a newspaper boy throwing a rolled-up newspaper onto the porch of the building furthest away.
Larry was undeterred by the extra distance and worked his magic as a marksman by firing a 10mm round through the bottom of the gas can.
“Hilts leave the Raider and take Charon’s car. You and Kendall drive back to the Borderlands,” I was feeling like Abe Lincoln. “Larry and I will stay and ignite the gas cans.”
“Hilts leave the Raider and take Charon’s car. You and Kendall drive back to the Borderlands,” I was feeling like Abe Lincoln. “Larry and I will stay and ignite the gas cans.”
“Let’s amend that to;” shouted Hilts as he got into Charon’s Car and started its engine, “I’ll wait outside of town for you guys to set fire to the buildings in Placebo. If something were to happen to you two Kate and Medea would never forgive me.”
“Hey, what happened to,” Kendall said with his big Carolina grin and as he started his rat rod, “you three?”
“Amend that to, if something were to happen to you three,” laughed Hilts.
Kendall then spun his rat rod into a rear tire spinning U-turn at the same time he reached out with his left hand and scooped up the third can of gas, the one with about a gallon left in it. The can was next to his door when he drove by and threw it onto the closest building’s porch. Larry from the seat of the 8-Ball then calmly shot a hole through the bottom of the can. It took a couple of seconds for what gas was left inside to empty out. Hilts then spun Charon’s Ford into a similar rear tire spinning U-turn and stopped right behind Kendall. He was holding three highway flares.
“Thank you, thankyouverymuch for providing these,” said Larry as he took the highway flares from Hilts. “I’ll ignite and throw them onto the gas cans. You need to get back with the load of water bottles filled with the Styx River. Charon’s counting on getting that water.”
Surprisingly Hilts didn’t say anything other than, “You’re welcome,” and, “I’ll wait for you outside of town.”
“Kendall, go with Hilts. Once we’re sure the buildings are burning we’ll catch up.”
“No heroics…just get ‘em started, then get outta there,” shouted Kendall from the rat rod’s window.
Minutes after Kendall and Hilts had driven out of sight the wind began to blow and the road they had left on began to be covered with debris.
Larry ignited all three flares and handed me one, “I’ll get the two farthest buildings burning; you get the one that’s closest…the one you shot into.”
“Hey, what happened to,” Kendall said with his big Carolina grin and as he started his rat rod, “you three?”
“Amend that to, if something were to happen to you three,” laughed Hilts.
Kendall then spun his rat rod into a rear tire spinning U-turn at the same time he reached out with his left hand and scooped up the third can of gas, the one with about a gallon left in it. The can was next to his door when he drove by and threw it onto the closest building’s porch. Larry from the seat of the 8-Ball then calmly shot a hole through the bottom of the can. It took a couple of seconds for what gas was left inside to empty out. Hilts then spun Charon’s Ford into a similar rear tire spinning U-turn and stopped right behind Kendall. He was holding three highway flares.
“Thank you, thankyouverymuch for providing these,” said Larry as he took the highway flares from Hilts. “I’ll ignite and throw them onto the gas cans. You need to get back with the load of water bottles filled with the Styx River. Charon’s counting on getting that water.”
Surprisingly Hilts didn’t say anything other than, “You’re welcome,” and, “I’ll wait for you outside of town.”
“Kendall, go with Hilts. Once we’re sure the buildings are burning we’ll catch up.”
“No heroics…just get ‘em started, then get outta there,” shouted Kendall from the rat rod’s window.
Minutes after Kendall and Hilts had driven out of sight the wind began to blow and the road they had left on began to be covered with debris.
Larry ignited all three flares and handed me one, “I’ll get the two farthest buildings burning; you get the one that’s closest…the one you shot into.”
Expecting to being treated to seeing between her thighs where her dress had been burned away; I was instead met with the sight of what appeared to be a cluster of red onions held together by the same kind of sack made of the produce netting used by grocery stores.
Larry then rode the 8-Ball in a circle around the town of Placebo. When he’d approached the farthest gas can he tossed the first of his flares. I could have sworn the wind increased in strength and had anything been burning other than a highway flare it would’ve been blown out. But it wasn’t blown out and it ignited the gas that had soaked into the porch which ignited the fumes in the gas can, which blew the burning can through the building’s front window.
There was no hesitation this time. Larry was accelerating to his second target and at the same time shouting for me to set fire to the building behind me. The wind was increasing. Larry rode as close to the porch as possible before tossing his flare next to the gas can. The flare sputtered a moment then caught what gas had soaked into the wood. With a woof of fire the exploding fumes launched the gas can straight up and into the porch overhang. The flames spread quickly with the help of the wind.
“You ain’t gonna,” said a familiar voice from behind me, “burn me up again?”
Emma was behind me standing on the porch I was about to throw the flare onto. In the shadows she looked about twenty years old and what flesh had been burned had now healed. This was not the same toothless hag that had recently tried to shoot us with a shotgun. Expecting to being treated to seeing between her thighs where her dress had been burned away; I was instead met with the sight of what appeared to be a cluster of red onions held together by the same kind of sack made of the produce netting used by grocery stores.
“Gives new meaning to the phrase,” Larry had ridden up behind me and taken the flare from my hand and thrown it towards the gas can, “how are they hanging?”
When Emma reached to catch the flare Larry fired a 10mm round into her chest driving her back into the building.
“Snap out of it! It ain’t an Emma and it ain’t love at first sight,” laughed Larry. “Help me keep the Queen and her hive inside the building until it catches fire.”
There was no hesitation this time. Larry was accelerating to his second target and at the same time shouting for me to set fire to the building behind me. The wind was increasing. Larry rode as close to the porch as possible before tossing his flare next to the gas can. The flare sputtered a moment then caught what gas had soaked into the wood. With a woof of fire the exploding fumes launched the gas can straight up and into the porch overhang. The flames spread quickly with the help of the wind.
“You ain’t gonna,” said a familiar voice from behind me, “burn me up again?”
Emma was behind me standing on the porch I was about to throw the flare onto. In the shadows she looked about twenty years old and what flesh had been burned had now healed. This was not the same toothless hag that had recently tried to shoot us with a shotgun. Expecting to being treated to seeing between her thighs where her dress had been burned away; I was instead met with the sight of what appeared to be a cluster of red onions held together by the same kind of sack made of the produce netting used by grocery stores.
“Gives new meaning to the phrase,” Larry had ridden up behind me and taken the flare from my hand and thrown it towards the gas can, “how are they hanging?”
When Emma reached to catch the flare Larry fired a 10mm round into her chest driving her back into the building.
“Snap out of it! It ain’t an Emma and it ain’t love at first sight,” laughed Larry. “Help me keep the Queen and her hive inside the building until it catches fire.”
Larry took the lead as we followed the same road Hilts and Kendall had taken to get back to the Borderlands. Two miles away we pulled to the side of the road and parked near some giant metal machine gears.
Flames from the flare had just reached the gas soaked wood when four of the hive, look-alikes in bib-overalls, rushed out to kick the flare away. They were a second too late. Emma, looking unfazed by Larry’s 10mm round, had come back to stand in the doorway. The fumes exploded sending a wall of fire into the building. She held onto the door frame looking at us until she’d turned to ash. I can’t speak for Larry but Emma and her sack of red onions a.k.a. sack of eggs will be looking at me for a long time whenever I close my eyes.
“We’re done here,” I said as I pointed the Raider towards the road out of town. “We’ve set fire to both the Queen a.k.a. Queen Emma and her hive. Let’s go.”
Larry took the lead as we followed the same road Hilts and Kendall had taken to get back to the Borderlands. Two miles away we pulled to the side of the road and parked near some giant metal machine gears. Placebo was on fire. The wind was gone allowing plumes of black acrid smoke to billow high into the sky. Whatever Placebo had once been it was now on its way to becoming embers. The smell from the burning was something close to overcooked cabbage mixed with wet dog mixed with burnt hair.
“Nothing’s following us,” said Larry but with an ‘it ain’t over ‘till it’s over’ edge to his voice. “We should be able to catch up with Hilts and Kendall if we hurry.”
Too often in our adventures Larry and I have been surprised by something we thought to have ended. The burning of Placebo, the destruction of Queen Emma and her hive looked to have been successful…but…but there’ve been too many buts…
We’d ridden another five miles when Larry began to slow. Ahead was Kendall’s rat rod stopped in the middle of the road. About ten feet behind it was a large yellow water truck. The water truck’s radiator had multiple holes in it; the rat rod’s front end had been smashed flat. Slumped inside the cab of the water truck was what was left of the driver that looked like Buffalo Bob.
“We’re done here,” I said as I pointed the Raider towards the road out of town. “We’ve set fire to both the Queen a.k.a. Queen Emma and her hive. Let’s go.”
Larry took the lead as we followed the same road Hilts and Kendall had taken to get back to the Borderlands. Two miles away we pulled to the side of the road and parked near some giant metal machine gears. Placebo was on fire. The wind was gone allowing plumes of black acrid smoke to billow high into the sky. Whatever Placebo had once been it was now on its way to becoming embers. The smell from the burning was something close to overcooked cabbage mixed with wet dog mixed with burnt hair.
“Nothing’s following us,” said Larry but with an ‘it ain’t over ‘till it’s over’ edge to his voice. “We should be able to catch up with Hilts and Kendall if we hurry.”
Too often in our adventures Larry and I have been surprised by something we thought to have ended. The burning of Placebo, the destruction of Queen Emma and her hive looked to have been successful…but…but there’ve been too many buts…
We’d ridden another five miles when Larry began to slow. Ahead was Kendall’s rat rod stopped in the middle of the road. About ten feet behind it was a large yellow water truck. The water truck’s radiator had multiple holes in it; the rat rod’s front end had been smashed flat. Slumped inside the cab of the water truck was what was left of the driver that looked like Buffalo Bob.
We’d ridden another five miles when Larry began to slow. Ahead was Kendall’s rat rod stopped in the middle of the road. About ten feet behind it was a large yellow water truck. The water truck’s radiator had multiple holes in it; the rat rod’s front end had been smashed flat. Slumped inside the cab of the water truck was what was left of the driver that looked like Buffalo Bob.
We’d no sooner stopped when we heard Kendall’s voice from the back of the rat rod. He’d been trying to push his car up next to the truck.
“Could sure use your help,” Kendall’s easy-going Carolina voice didn’t betray the fact his left leg was broken. “The new Queen and her entourage are inside the tank. I figured the old Queen would try to make a new hive so I waited. Hilts conjured a 12 gauge for me. I told him to get the Ford back to Charon and that I’d take care of this problem…didn’t figure on the driver ramming me.”
Kendall in spite of his injury had hobbled around to the back of his rat rod and had actually pushed it a few feet forward. Noises coming from inside the tank were growing stronger…something or things had been awakened. A thin crack could be seen on the tank’s side.
“Once they’ve broken free,” continued Kendall, “it’ll be impossible to contain them. The left side of the tank has the beginning of a crack.”
Larry and I didn’t need to be told what to do and threw our backs into pushing the rat rod next to the yellow tanker. Once the two vehicles were touching Kendall put two buckshot rounds through the truck’s diesel tank. The tank took less than a minute to empty onto the road.
“Get back to your bikes,” shouted Kendall at the same time he cut the fuel hose to the rat rod’s engine.
“No…you go and get aboard the Raider;” I shouted back at Kendall, “I can run faster than you can limp.”
The leaking gas from the rat rod’s engine was by now mixing with the diesel oil and Larry had helped Kendall back to the Raider when I finally lit and threw a rolled up wad of paper. The explosion that followed nearly knocked me over. For the next half hour the three of us watched as the fuel under the tanker truck burned itself out.
With Larry in the lead and with Kendall as my passenger, I rode back to Spanky’s Café vowing not to order anything on the menu that had red onions.
“Could sure use your help,” Kendall’s easy-going Carolina voice didn’t betray the fact his left leg was broken. “The new Queen and her entourage are inside the tank. I figured the old Queen would try to make a new hive so I waited. Hilts conjured a 12 gauge for me. I told him to get the Ford back to Charon and that I’d take care of this problem…didn’t figure on the driver ramming me.”
Kendall in spite of his injury had hobbled around to the back of his rat rod and had actually pushed it a few feet forward. Noises coming from inside the tank were growing stronger…something or things had been awakened. A thin crack could be seen on the tank’s side.
“Once they’ve broken free,” continued Kendall, “it’ll be impossible to contain them. The left side of the tank has the beginning of a crack.”
Larry and I didn’t need to be told what to do and threw our backs into pushing the rat rod next to the yellow tanker. Once the two vehicles were touching Kendall put two buckshot rounds through the truck’s diesel tank. The tank took less than a minute to empty onto the road.
“Get back to your bikes,” shouted Kendall at the same time he cut the fuel hose to the rat rod’s engine.
“No…you go and get aboard the Raider;” I shouted back at Kendall, “I can run faster than you can limp.”
The leaking gas from the rat rod’s engine was by now mixing with the diesel oil and Larry had helped Kendall back to the Raider when I finally lit and threw a rolled up wad of paper. The explosion that followed nearly knocked me over. For the next half hour the three of us watched as the fuel under the tanker truck burned itself out.
With Larry in the lead and with Kendall as my passenger, I rode back to Spanky’s Café vowing not to order anything on the menu that had red onions.
The egg sack hanging between Queen Emma’s thighs looked like any sack of red onions you’d find at any grocery store